Chapter 39

OFLIGHTSANDOFSHADOWS—THEPARTINGOFWORLDS

WhatHurstwoodgotastheresultofthisdeterminationwasmoreself-assurancethateachparticulardaywasnottheday.Atthesametime,Carriepassedthroughthirtydaysofmentaldistress.

Herneedofclothes—tosaynothingofherdesireforornaments-grewrapidlyasthefactdevelopedthatforallherworkshewasnottohavethem.ThesympathyshefeltforHurstwood,atthetimeheaskedhertotidehimover,vanishedwiththesenewerurgingsofdecency.Hewasnotalwaysrenewinghisrequest,butthisloveofgoodappearancewas.Itinsisted,andCarriewishedtosatisfyit,wishedmoreandmorethatHurstwoodwasnotintheway.

Hurstwoodreasoned,whenhenearedthelasttendollars,thathehadbetterkeepalittlepocketchangeandnotbecomewhollydependentforcar-fare,shaves,andthelike;sowhenthissumwasstillinhishandheannouncedhimselfaspenniless.

「I』mclearout,」hesaidtoCarrieoneafternoon.「Ipaidforsomecoalthismorning,andthattookallbuttenorfifteencents.」

「I』vegotsomemoneythereinmypurse.」

Hurstwoodwenttogetit,startingforacanoftomatoes.Carriescarcelynoticedthatthiswasthebeginningoftheneworder.Hetookoutfifteencentsandboughtthecanwithit.Thereafteritwasdribsanddrabsofthissort,untilonemorningCarriesuddenly

rememberedthatshewouldnotbebackuntilclosetodinnertime.

「We』realloutofflour,」shesaid;「you』dbettergetsomethisafternoon.Wehaven』tanymeat,either.Howwoulditdoifwehadliverandbacon.」

「Suitsme,」saidHurstwood.

「Bettergetahalforthree-quartersofapoundofthat.」

「Half』llbeenough,」volunteeredHurstwood.

Sheopenedherpurseandlaiddownahalfdollar.Hepretendednottonoticeit.

Hurstwoodboughttheflour—whichallgrocerssoldin31/2poundpackages—forthirteencentsandpaidfifteencentsforahalfpoundofliverandbacon.Heleftthepackages,togetherwiththebalanceoftwenty-twocents,uponthekitchentable,whereCarriefoundit.Itdidnotescapeherthatthechangewasaccurate.Therewassomethingsadinrealizingthat,afterall,allthathewantedofherwassomethingtoeat.Shefeltasifhardthoughtswereunjust.Maybehewouldgetsomethingyet.Hehadnovices.

Thatveryevening,however,ongoingintothetheatre,oneofthechorusgirlspassedherallnewlyarrayedinaprettymottledtweedsuit,whichtookCarrie』seye.Theyoungwomanworeafinebunchofvioletsandseemedinhighspirits.ShesmiledatCarriegoodnaturedlyasshepassed,showingpretty,eventeeth,andCarriesmiledback.

「Shecanaffordtodresswell,」thoughtCarrie,「andsocouldI,ifIcouldonlykeepmymoney.Ihaven』tadecenttieofanykindtowear.」

Sheputoutherfootandlookedathershoereflectively.「I』llgetapairofshoesSaturday,anyhow;Idon』tcarewhathappens.」

OneofthesweetestandmostsympatheticlittlechorusgirlsinthecompanymadefriendswithherbecauseinCarrieshefoundnothingtofrightenheraway.ShewasagaylittleManon,unwitting

ofsociety』sfierceconceptionofmorality,but,nevertheless,goodtoherneighborandcharitable.Littlelicensewasallowedthechorusinthematterofconversation,but,nevertheless,somewasindulgedin.

「It』swarmto-night,isn』tit.」saidthisgirl,arrayedinpinkfleshingsandanimitationgoldenhelmet.Shealsocarriedashiningshield.

「Yes;itis,」saidCarrie,pleasedthatsomeoneshouldtalktoher.

「I』malmostroasting,」saidthegirl.

Carrielookedintoherprettyface,withitslargeblueeyes,andsawlittlebeadsofmoisture.

「There』smoremarchinginthisoperathaneverIdidbefore,」addedthegirl.

「Haveyoubeeninothers.」askedCarrie,surprisedatherexperience.

「Lotsofthem,」saidthegirl;「haven』tyou.」

「Thisismyfirstexperience.」

「Oh,isit.IthoughtIsawyouthetimetheyran『TheQueen』sMate』here.」

「No,」saidCarrie,shakingherhead;「notme.」

Thisconversationwasinterruptedbytheblareoftheorchestraandthesputteringofthecalciumlightsinthewingsasthelinewascalledtoformforanewentrance.Nofurtheropportunityforconversationoccurred,butthenextevening,whentheyweregettingreadyforthestage,thisgirlappearedanewatherside.

「Theysaythisshowisgoingontheroadnextmonth.」

「Isit.」saidCarrie.

「Yes;doyouthinkyou』llgo.」

「Idon』tknow;Iguessso,ifthey』lltakeme.」

「Oh,they』lltakeyou.Iwouldn』tgo.Theywon』tgiveyouanymore,anditwillcostyoueverythingyoumaketolive.IneverleaveNewYork.Therearetoomanyshowsgoingonhere.」

「Canyoualwaysgetinanothershow.」

「Ialwayshave.There』sonegoingonupatthe

Broadwaythismonth.I』mgoingtotryandgetinthatifthisonereallygoes.」

Carrieheardthiswitharousedintelligence.Evidentlyitwasn』tsoverydifficulttogeton.Maybeshealsocouldgetaplaceifthisshowwentaway.「Dotheyallpayaboutthesame.」sheasked.

「Yes.Sometimesyougetalittlemore.Thisshowdoesn』tpayverymuch.」

「Igettwelve,」saidCarrie.

「Doyou.」saidthegirl.「Theypaymefifteen,andyoudomoreworkthanIdo.Iwouldn』tstanditifIwereyou.They』rejustgivingyoulessbecausetheythinkyoudon』tknow.Yououghttobemakingfifteen.」

「Well,I』mnot,」saidCarrie.

「Well,you』llgetmoreatthenextplaceifyouwantit,」wentonthegirl,whoadmiredCarrieverymuch.「Youdofine,andthemanagerknowsit.」

Tosaythetruth,Carriedidunconsciouslymoveaboutwithanairpleasingandsomewhatdistinctive.Itwasduewhollytohernatural

mannerandtotallackofself-consciousness.

「DoyousupposeIcouldgetmoreupattheBroadway.」

「Ofcourseyoucan,」answeredthegirl.「YoucomewithmewhenIgo.I』lldothetalking.」

Carrieheardthis,flushingwiththankfulness.Shelikedthislittlegaslightsoldier.Sheseemedsoexperiencedandself-reliantinhertinselhelmetandmilitaryaccoutrements.

「MyfuturemustbeassuredifIcanalwaysgetworkthisway,」thoughtCarrie.

Still,inthemorning,whenherhouseholddutieswouldinfringeuponherandHurstwoodsatthere,aperfectloadtocontemplate,herfateseemeddismalandunrelieved.ItdidnottakesoverymuchtofeedthemunderHurstwood』sclose-measuredbuying,andtherewouldpossiblybeenoughforrent,butit

leftnothingelse.Carrieboughttheshoesandsomeotherthings,whichcomplicatedtherentproblemveryseriously.Suddenly,aweekfromthefatalday,Carrierealizedthattheyweregoingtorunshort.

「Idon』tbelieve,」sheexclaimed,lookingintoherpurseatbreakfast,「thatI』llhaveenoughtopaytherent.」

「Howmuchhaveyou.」inquiredHurstwood.

「Well,I』vegottwenty-twodollars,butthere』severythingtobepaidforthisweekyet,andifIuseallIgetSaturdaytopaythis,therewon』tbeanyleftfornextweek.Doyouthinkyourhotelmanwillopenhishotelthismonth.」

「Ithinkso,」returnedHurstwood.「Hesaidhewould.」

Afterawhile,Hurstwoodsaid:

「Don』tworryaboutit.Maybethegrocerwillwait.Hecandothat.We』vetradedtherelongenoughtomakehimtrustusforaweekortwo.」

「Doyouthinkhewill.」sheasked.

「Ithinkso.」Onthisaccount,Hurstwood,thisveryday,lookedgrocerOesloggeclearlyintheeyeasheorderedapoundofcoffee,andsaid:

「Doyoumindcarryingmyaccountuntiltheendofeveryweek.」

「No,no,Mr.Wheeler,」saidMr.Oeslogge.「Datissallright.」

Hurstwood,stilltactfulindistress,addednothingtothis.Itseemedaneasything.Helookedoutofthedoor,andthengathereduphiscoffeewhenreadyandcameaway.Thegameofadesperatemanhadbegun.

Rentwaspaid,andnowcamethegrocer.HurstwoodmanagedbypayingoutofhisowntenandcollectingfromCarrieattheendoftheweek.Thenhedelayedadaynexttimesettlingwiththegrocer,andsosoonhadhistenback,withOesloggegettinghispayonthisThursdayorFridayforlastSaturday』sbill.

ThisentanglementmadeCarrieanxiousforachange

ofsomesort.Hurstwooddidnotseemtorealizethatshehadarighttoanything.Heschemedtomakewhatsheearnedcoverallexpenses,butseemednottotroubleoveraddinganythinghimself.

「Hetalksaboutworrying,」thoughtCarrie.「Ifheworriedenoughhecouldn』tsitthereandwaitforme.He』dgetsomethingtodo.Nomancouldgosevenmonthswithoutfindingsomethingifhetried.」

ThesightofhimalwaysaroundinhisuntidyclothesandgloomyappearancedroveCarrietoseekreliefinotherplaces.Twiceaweektherewerematinees,andthenHurstwoodateacoldsnack,whichhepreparedhimself.Twootherdaystherewererehearsalsbeginningatteninthemorningandlastingusuallyuntilone.Now,tothisCarrieaddedafewvisitstooneortwochorusgirls,includingtheblue-eyedsoldierofthegoldenhelmet.Shediditbecauseitwaspleasantandarelieffromdullnessofthehomeoverwhichherhusbandbrooded.

Theblue-eyedsoldier』snamewasOsborne—LolaOsborne.HerroomwasinNineteenthStreetnearFourthAvenue,ablocknowgivenupwhollytoofficebuildings.Hereshehadacomfortablebackroom,lookingoveracollectionofbackyardsinwhichgrewanumberofshadetreespleasanttosee.

「Isn』tyourhomeinNewYork.」sheaskedofLolaoneday.

「Yes;butIcan』tgetalongwithmypeople.Theyalwayswantmetodowhattheywant.Doyoulivehere.」

「Yes,」saidCarrie.

「Withyourfamily.」

Carriewasashamedtosaythatshewasmarried.Shehadtalkedsomuchaboutgettingmoresalaryandconfessedtosomuchanxietyaboutherfuture,thatnow,whenthedirectquestionoffactwaswaiting,shecouldnottellthisgirl.

「Withsomerelatives,」sheanswered.

MissOsbornetookitforgrantedthat,likeherself,Carrie』stimewasherown.Sheinvariablyaskedhertostay,proposinglittleoutingsandotherthingsofthatsortuntilCarriebeganneglectingherdinnerhours.Hurstwoodnoticedit,butfeltinnopositiontoquarrelwithher.Severaltimesshecamesolateasscarcelytohaveanhourinwhichtopatchupamealandstartforthetheatre.

「Doyourehearseintheafternoons.」Hurstwoodonceasked,concealingalmostcompletelythecynicalprotestandregretwhichpromptedit.

「No;Iwaslookingaroundforanotherplace,」saidCarrie.

Asamatteroffactshewas,butonlyinsuchawayasfurnishedtheleaststrawofanexcuse.MissOsborneandshehadgonetotheofficeofthemanagerwhowastoproducethenewoperaattheBroadwayandreturnedstraighttotheformer』sroom,wheretheyhadbeensincethreeo』clock.

Carriefeltthisquestiontobeaninfringementonherliberty.Shedidnottakeintoaccounthowmuchlibertyshewassecuring.Onlythelateststep,thenewestfreedom,mustnotbequestioned.

Hurstwoodsawitallclearlyenough.Hewasshrewdafterhiskind,andyettherewasenoughdecencyinthemantostophimfrommakinganyeffectualprotest.InhisalmostinexplicableapathyhewascontenttodroopsupinelywhileCarriedriftedoutofhislife,justashewaswillingsupinelytoseeopportunitypassbeyondhiscontrol.Hecouldnothelpclingingandprotestinginamild,irritating,andineffectualway,however—awaythatsimplywidenedthebreachbyslowdegrees.

Afurtherenlargementofthischasmbetweenthemcamewhenthemanager,lookingbetweenthewingsuponthebrightlylightedstagewherethechoruswasgoingthroughsomeofitsglitteringevolutions,saidtothemasteroftheballet:

「Whoisthatfourthgirlthereontheright—theone

comingroundattheendnow.」

「Oh,」saidtheballet-master,「that』sMissMadenda.」

「She』sgoodlooking.Whydon』tyouletherheadthatline.」

「Iwill,」saidtheman.

「Justdothat.She』lllookbettertherethanthewomanyou』vegot.」

「Allright.Iwilldothat,」saidthemaster.

ThenexteveningCarriewascalledout,muchasifforanerror.

「Youleadyourcompanytonight,」saidthemaster.

「Yes,sir,」saidCarrie.

「Putsnapintoit,」headded.「Wemusthavesnap.」

「Yes,sir,」repliedCarrie.

Astonishedatthischange,shethoughtthattheheretoforeleadermustbeill;butwhenshesawherintheline,withadistinctexpressionofsomethingunfavorableinhereye,shebegantothinkthatperhapsitwasmerit.

Shehadachicwayoftossingherheadtooneside,andholdingherarmsasifforaction—notlistlessly.Infrontofthelinethisshowedupevenmoreeffectually.

「Thatgirlknowshowtocarryherself,」saidthemanager,anotherevening.Hebegantothinkthatheshouldliketotalkwithher.Ifhehadn』tmadeitaruletohavenothingtodowiththemembersofthechorus,hewouldhaveapproachedhermostunbendingly.

「Putthatgirlattheheadofthewhitecolumn,」hesuggestedtothemaninchargeoftheballet.

Thiswhitecolumnconsistedofsometwentygirls,allinsnowwhiteflanneltrimmedwithsilverandblue.Itsleaderwasmoststunninglyarrayedinthesamecolors,elaborated,however,withepauletsandabeltofsilver,withashortsworddanglingatoneside.Carriewasfittedforthiscostume,andafewdayslaterappeared,proudofhernewlaurels.Shewasespeciallygratifiedtofindthathersalarywasnoweighteeninsteadoftwelve.

Hurstwoodheardnothingaboutthis.

「I』llnotgivehimtherestofmymoney,」saidCarrie.「Idoenough.Iamgoingtogetmesomethingtowear.」

Asamatteroffact,duringthissecondmonthshehadbeenbuyingforherselfasrecklesslyasshedared,regardlessoftheconsequences.Therewereimpendingmorecomplicationsrentday,andmoreextensionofthecreditsystemintheneighborhood.Now,however,sheproposedtodobetterbyherself.

Herfirstmovewastobuyashirtwaist,andinstudyingtheseshefoundhowlittlehermoneywouldbuy—howmuch,ifshecouldonlyuseall.Sheforgotthatifshewerealoneshewouldhavetopayforaroomandboard,andimaginedthateverycentofhereighteencouldbespentforclothesandthingsthatsheliked.

Atlastshepickeduponsomething,whichnotonlyusedupallhersurplusabovetwelve,butinvadedthatsum.Sheknewshewasgoingtoofar,butherfeminineloveoffineryprevailed.ThenextdayHurstwoodsaid:

「Weowethegrocerfivedollarsandfortycentsthisweek.」

「Dowe.」saidCarrie,frowningalittle.

Shelookedinherpursetoleaveit.

「I』veonlygoteightdollarsandtwentycentsaltogether.」

「Weowethemilkmansixtycents,」addedHurstwood.

「Yes,andthere』sthecoalman,」saidCarrie.

Hurstwoodsaidnothing.Hehadseenthenewthingsshewasbuying;thewayshewasneglectinghouseholdduties;thereadinesswithwhichshewasslippingoutafternoonsandstaying.Hefeltthatsomethingwasgoingtohappen.Allatonceshespoke:

「Idon』tknow,」shesaid;「Ican』tdoitall.Idon』tearnenough.」

Thiswasadirectchallenge.Hurstwoodhadtotakeitup.Hetriedtobecalm.

「Idon』twantyoutodoitall,」hesaid.「IonlywantalittlehelpuntilIcangetsomethingtodo.」

「Oh,yes,」answeredCarrie.「That』salwaystheway.IttakesmorethanIcanearntopayforthings.Idon』tseewhatI』mgoingtodo.

「Well,I』vetriedtogetsomething,」heexclaimed.Whatdoyouwantmetodo.」

「Youcouldn』thavetriedsoveryhard,」saidCarrie.「Igotsomething.」

「Well,Idid,」hesaid,angeredalmosttoharshwords.「Youneedn』tthrowupyoursuccesstome.AllIaskedwasalittlehelpuntilIcouldgetsomething.I』mnotdownyet.I』llcomeupallright.」

Hetriedtospeaksteadily,buthisvoicetrembledalittle.

Carrie』sangermeltedontheinstant.Shefeltashamed.

「Well,」shesaid,「here』sthemoney,」andemptieditoutonthetable.「Ihaven』tgotquiteenoughtopayitall.IftheycanwaituntilSaturday,though,I』llhavesomemore.」

「Youkeepit,」saidHurstwoodsadly.「Ionlywantenoughtopaythegrocer.」

Sheputitback,andproceededtogetdinnerearlyandingoodtime.Herlittlebravadomadeherfeelasifsheoughttomakeamends.

Inalittlewhiletheiroldthoughtsreturnedtoboth.

「She』smakingmorethanshesays,」thoughtHurstwood.「Shesaysshe』smakingtwelve,butthatwouldn』tbuyallthosethings.Idon』tcare.Letherkeephermoney.I』llgetsomethingagainoneofthesedays.Thenshecangotothedeuce.」

Heonlysaidthisinhisanger,butitprefiguredapossiblecourseofactionandattitudewellenough.

「Idon』tcare,」thoughtCarrie.「Heoughttobetoldtogetoutanddosomething.Itisn』trightthatIshouldsupporthim.」

InthesedaysCarriewasintroducedtoseveralyouths,friendsofMissOsborne,whowereofthekindmostaptlydescribedasgayandfestive.TheycalledoncetogetMissOsborneforanafternoondrive.Carriewaswithheratthetime.

「Comeandgoalong,」saidLola.

「No,Ican』t,」saidCarrie.

「Oh,yes,comeandgo.Whathaveyougottodo.」

「Ihavetobehomebyfive,」saidCarrie.

「Whatfor.」

「Oh,dinner.」

「They』lltakeustodinner,」saidLola.

「Oh,no,」saidCarrie.「Iwon』tgo.Ican』t.」

「Oh,docome.They』reawfulniceboys.We』llgetyoubackintime.We』reonlygoingforadriveinCentralPark.」Carriethoughtawhile,andatlastyielded.

「Now,Imustbebackbyhalf-pastfour,」shesaid.

TheinformationwentinoneearofLolaandouttheother.

AfterDrouetandHurstwood,therewastheleasttouchofcynicisminherattitudetowardyoungmen—especiallyofthegayandfrivoloussort.Shefeltalittleolderthanthey.Someoftheirprettycomplimentsseemedsilly.Still,shewasyounginheartandbodyandyouthappealedtoher.

「Oh,we』llberightback,MissMadenda,」saidoneofthechaps,bowing.「Youwouldn』tthinkwe』dkeepyouovertime,now,wouldyou.」

「Well,Idon』tknow,」saidCarrie,smiling.

Theywereoffforadrive—she,lookingaboutandnoticingfineclothing,theyoungmenvoicingthosesillypleasantriesandweakquipswhichpassforhumorincoycircles.Carriesawthegreatparkparadeofcarriages,beginningattheFifty-ninthStreetentranceandwindingpasttheMuseumofArttotheexitatOneHundredandTenthStreetandSeventhAvenue.Hereyewasoncemoretakenbytheshowof

wealth—theelaboratecostumes,elegantharnesses,spiritedhorses,and,aboveall,thebeauty.Oncemoretheplagueofpovertygalledher,butnowsheforgotinameasureherowntroublessofarastoforgetHurstwood.Hewaiteduntilfour,five,andevensix.Itwasgettingdarkwhenhegotupoutofhischair.

「Iguesssheisn』tcominghome,」hesaid,grimly.

「That』stheway,」hethought.「She』sgettingastartnow.I』moutofit.」

Carriehadreallydiscoveredherneglect,butonlyataquarterafterfive,andtheopencarriagewasnowfarupSeventhAvenue,neartheHarlemRiver.

「Whattimeisit.」sheinquired.「Imustbegettingback.」

「Aquarterafterfive,」saidhercompanion,consultinganelegant,open-facedwatch.

「Oh,dearme!」exclaimedCarrie.Thenshesettledbackwithasigh.「There』snousecryingoverspiltmilk,」shesaid.「It』stoolate.」

「Ofcourseitis,」saidtheyouth,whosawvisionsofafinedinnernow,andsuchinvigoratingtalkaswouldresultinareunionaftertheshow.HewasgreatlytakenwithCarrie.「We』lldrivedowntoDelmonico』snowandhavesomethingthere,won』twe,Orrin.」

「Tobesure,」repliedOrrin,gaily.

CarriethoughtofHurstwood.Neverbeforehadsheneglecteddinnerwithoutanexcuse.

Theydroveback,andat6.15satdowntodine.ItwastheSherryincidentoveragain,theremembranceofwhichcamepainfullybacktoCarrie.SherememberedMrs.Vance,whohadnevercalledagainafterHurstwood』sreception,andAmes.

Atthisfigurehermindhalted.Itwasastrong,cleanvision.Helikedbetterbooksthansheread,betterpeoplethansheassociatedwith.Hisidealsburnedinherheart.

「It』sfinetobeagoodactress,」camedistinctlyback.

Whatsortofanactresswasshe.

「Whatareyouthinkingabout,MissMadenda.」inquiredhermerrycompanion.「Come,now,let』sseeifIcanguess.」

「Oh,no,」saidCarrie.「Don』ttry.」

Sheshookitoffandate.Sheforgot,inpart,andwasmerry.Whenitcametotheafter-theatreproposition,however,sheshookherhead.

「No,」shesaid,「Ican』t.Ihaveapreviousengagement.」

「Oh,now,MissMadenda,」pleadedtheyouth.

「No,」saidCarrie,「Ican』t.You』vebeensokind,butyou』llhavetoexcuseme.」

Theyouthlookedexceedinglycrestfallen.

「Cheerup,oldman,」whisperedhiscompanion.「We』llgoaround,anyhow.Shemaychangehermind.」