Chapter 34

THEGRINDOFTHEMILLSTONES—ASAMPLEOFCHAFF

CARRIEPONDEREDOVERthissituationasconsistentlyasHurstwood,onceshegotthefactsadjustedinhermind.Ittookseveraldaysforhertofullyrealizethattheapproachofthedissolutionofherhusband』sbusinessmeantcommonplacestruggleandprivation.HermindwentbacktoherearlyventureinChicago,theHansonsandtheirflat,andherheartrevolted.Thatwasterrible!Everythingaboutpovertywasterrible.Shewishedsheknewawayout.HerrecentexperienceswiththeVanceshadwhollyunfittedhertoviewherownstatewithcomplacence.Theglamourofthehighlifeofthecityhad,inthefewexperiencesaffordedherbytheformer,seizedhercompletely.Shehadbeentaughthowtodressandwheretogowithouthavingamplemeanstodoeither.Now,thesethings-everpresentrealitiesastheywere—filledhereyesandmind.Themorecircumscribedbecameherstate,themoreentrancingseemedthisother.AndnowpovertythreatenedtoseizeherentirelyandtoremovethisotherworldfarupwardlikeaheaventowhichanyLazarusmightextend,appealingly,hishands.

So,too,theidealbroughtintoherlifebyAmesremained.Hehadgone,butherewashiswordthatricheswerenoteverything;thattherewasagreatdealmoreintheworldthansheknew;thatthestagewasgood,andtheliteratureshereadpoor.Hewasa

strongmanandclean—howmuchstrongerandbetterthanHurstwoodandDrouetsheonlyhalfformulatedtoherself,butthedifferencewaspainful.Itwassomethingtowhichshevoluntarilyclosedhereyes.

DuringthelastthreemonthsoftheWarrenStreetconnection,Hurstwoodtookpartsofdaysoffandhunted,trackingthebusinessadvertisements.Itwasamoreorlessdepressingbusiness,whollybecauseofthethoughtthathemustsoongetsomethingorhewouldbegintoliveonthefewhundreddollarshewassaving,andthenhewouldhavenothingtoinvest—hewouldhavetohireoutasaclerk.

Everythinghediscoveredinhislineadvertisedasanopportunity,waseithertooexpensiveortoowretchedforhim.Besides,winterwascoming,thepaperswereannouncinghardships,andtherewasageneralfeelingofhardtimesintheair,or,atleast,hethoughtso.Inhisworry,otherpeople』sworriesbecameapparent.Noitemaboutafirmfailing,afamilystarving,oramandyinguponthestreets,supposedlyofstarvation,butarrestedhiseyeashescannedthemorningpapers.Oncethe「World」cameoutwithaflaringannouncementabout「80,000peopleoutofemploymentinNewYorkthiswinter,」whichstruckasaknifeathisheart.

「Eightythousand!」hethought.「Whatanawfulthingthatis.」

ThiswasnewreasoningforHurstwood.Intheolddaystheworldhadseemedtobegettingalongwellenough.Hehadbeenwonttoseesimilarthingsinthe「DailyNews,」inChicago,buttheydidnotholdhisattention.Now,thesethingswerelikegraycloudshoveringalongthehorizonofaclearday.Theythreatenedtocoverandobscurehislifewithchillygrayness.Hetriedtoshakethemoff,toforgetandbraceup.Sometimeshesaidtohimself,mentally:

「What』stheuseworrying.I』mnotoutyet.I』vegotsixweeksmore.Evenifworstcomestoworst,I』vegotenoughtoliveonforsixmonths.」

Curiously,ashetroubledoverhisfuture,histhoughtsoccasionallyrevertedtohiswifeandfamily.Hehadavoidedsuchthoughtsforthefirstthreeyearsasmuchaspossible.Hehatedher,andhecouldgetalongwithouther.Lethergo.Hewoulddowellenough.Now,however,whenhewasnotdoingwellenough,hebegantowonderwhatshewasdoing,howhischildrenweregettingalong.Hecouldseethemlivingasnicelyasever,occupyingthecomfortablehouseandusinghisproperty.

「ByGeorge!it』sashametheyshouldhaveitall,」hevaguelythoughttohimselfonseveraloccasions.「Ididn』tdoanything.」

Ashelookedbacknowandanalyzedthesituationwhichleduptohistakingthemoney,hebeganmildlytojustifyhimself.Whathadhedone—whatintheworld—thatshouldbarhimoutthiswayandheapsuchdifficultiesuponhim.Itseemedonlyyesterdaytohimsincehewascomfortableandwell-to-do.Butnowitwasallwrestedfromhim.

「Shedidn』tdeservewhatshegotoutofme,thatissure.Ididn』tdosomuch,ifeverybodycouldjustknow.」

Therewasnothoughtthatthefactsoughttobeadvertised.Itwasonlyamentaljustificationhewasseekingfromhimself-somethingthatwouldenablehimtobearhisstateasarighteousman.

Oneafternoon,fiveweeksbeforetheWarrenStreetplaceclosedup,heleftthesaloontovisitthreeorfourplaceshesawadvertisedinthe「Herald.」OnewasdowninGoldStreet,andhevisitedthat,butdidnotenter.Itwassuchacheaplookingplacehefeltthathecouldnotabideit.AnotherwasontheBowery,whichheknewcontainedmanyshowyresorts.ItwasnearGrandStreet,andturnedouttobeveryhandsomelyfittedup.Hetalkedaroundaboutinvestmentsforfullythree-quartersofanhourwiththeproprietor,who

maintainedthathishealthwaspoor,andthatwasthereasonhewishedapartner.

「Well,now,justhowmuchmoneywouldittaketobuyahalfinteresthere.」saidHurstwood,whosawsevenhundreddollarsashislimit.

「Threethousand,」saidtheman.

Hurstwood』sjawfell.

「Cash.」hesaid.

「Cash.」

Hetriedtoputonanairofdeliberation,asonewhomightreallybuy;buthiseyesshowedgloom.Hewoundupbysayinghewouldthinkitover,andcameaway.Themanhehadbeentalkingtosensedhisconditioninavagueway.

「Idon』tthinkhewantstobuy,」hesaidtohimself.「Hedoesn』ttalkright.」

Theafternoonwasasgrayasleadandcold.Itwasblowingupadisagreeablewinterwind.Hevisitedaplacefarupontheeastside,nearSixty-ninthStreet,anditwasfiveo』clock,andgrowingdim,whenhereachedthere.AportlyGermankeptthisplace.

「Howaboutthisadofyours.」askedHurstwood,whoratherobjectedtothelooksoftheplace.

「Oh,datissallover,」saidtheGerman.「Ivillnotsellnow.」

「Oh,isthatso.」

「Yes;dereisnothingtodat.Itissallover.」

「Verywell,」saidHurstwood,turningaround.

TheGermanpaidnomoreattentiontohim,anditmadehimangry.

「Thecrazyass!」hesaidtohimself.「Whatdoeshewanttoadvertisefor.」

Whollydepressed,hestartedforThirteenthStreet.Theflathadonlyalightinthekitchen,whereCarriewasworking.Hestruckamatchand,lightingthegas,satdowninthedining-roomwithoutevengreetingher.Shecametothedoorandlookedin.

「It』syou,isit.」shesaid,andwentback.

「Yes,」hesaid,withoutevenlookingupfromtheeveningpaperhehadbought.

Carriesawthingswerewrongwithhim.Hewasnotsohandsomewhengloomy.Thelinesatthesidesoftheeyesweredeepened.Naturallydarkofskin,gloommadehimlookslightlysinister.Hewasquiteadisagreeablefigure.

Carriesetthetableandbroughtinthemeal.

「Dinner』sready,」shesaid,passinghimforsomething.

Hedidnotanswer,readingon.

Shecameinandsatdownatherplace,feelingexceedinglywretched.

「Won』tyoueatnow.」sheasked.

Hefoldedhispaperanddrewnear,silenceholdingforatime,exceptforthe「Passme』s.」

「It』sbeengloomyto-day,hasn』tit.」venturedCarrie,afteratime.

「Yes,」hesaid.

Heonlypickedathisfood.

「Areyoustillsuretocloseup.」saidCarrie,venturingtotakeupthesubjectwhichtheyhaddiscussedoftenenough.

「Ofcourseweare,」hesaid,withtheslightestmodificationofsharpness.

ThisretortangeredCarrie.Shehadhadadrearydayofitherself.

「Youneedn』ttalklikethat,」shesaid.

「Oh!」heexclaimed,pushingbackfromthetable,asiftosaymore,butlettingitgoatthat.Thenhepickeduphispaper.Carrieleftherseat,containingherselfwithdifficulty.Hesawshewashurt.

「Don』tgo『way,」hesaid,asshestartedbackintothekitchen.「Eatyourdinner.」

Shepassed,notanswering.

Helookedatthepaperafewmoments,andthenroseupandputonhiscoat.

「I』mgoingdowntown,Carrie,」hesaid,comingout.

「I』moutofsortsto-night.」

Shedidnotanswer.

「Don』tbeangry,」hesaid.「Itwillbeallrighttomorrow.」

Helookedather,butshepaidnoattentiontohim,workingatherdishes.

「Good-bye!」hesaidfinally,andwentout.

Thiswasthefirststrongresultofthesituationbetweenthem,butwiththenearingofthelastdayofthebusinessthegloombecamealmostapermanentthing.Hurstwoodcouldnotconcealhisfeelingsaboutthematter.Carriecouldnothelpwonderingwhereshewasdrifting.Itgotsothattheytalkedevenlessthanusual,andyetitwasnotHurstwoodwhofeltanyobjectiontoCarrie.ItwasCarriewhoshiedawayfromhim.Thishenoticed.Itarousedanobjectiontoherbecomingindifferenttohim.Hemadethepossibilityoffriendlyintercoursealmostagianttask,andthennoticedwithdiscontentthatCarrieaddedtoitbyhermannerandmadeitmoreimpossible.

Atlastthefinaldaycame.Whenitactuallyarrived,Hurstwood,whohadgothismindintosuchastatewhereathunderclapandragingstormwouldhaveseemedhighlyappropriate,wasratherrelievedtofindthatitwasaplain,ordinaryday.Thesunshone,thetemperaturewaspleasant.Hefelt,ashecametothebreakfasttable,thatitwasn』tsoterrible,afterall.

「Well,」hesaidtoCarrie,「to-day』smylastdayonearth.」

Carriesmiledinanswertohishumor.

Hurstwoodglancedoverhispaperrathergaily.Heseemedtohavelostaload.

「I』llgodownforalittlewhile,」hesaidafterbreakfast,「andthenI』lllookaround.To-morrowI』llspendthewholedaylookingabout.IthinkIcangetsomething,nowthisthing』soffmyhands.」

Hewentoutsmilingandvisitedtheplace.Shaughnessywasthere.Theyhadmadeall

arrangementstoshareaccordingtotheirinterests.When,however,hehadbeenthereseveralhours,goneoutthreemore,andreturned,hiselationhaddeparted.Asmuchashehadobjectedtotheplace,nowthatitwasnolongertoexist,hefeltsorry.Hewishedthatthingsweredifferent.

Shaughnessywascoollybusinesslike.

「Well,」hesaidatfiveo』clock,「wemightaswellcountthechangeanddivide.」

Theydidso.Thefixtureshadalreadybeensoldandthesumdivided.

「Good-night,」saidHurstwoodatthefinalmoment,inalastefforttobegenial.

「Solong,」saidShaughnessy,scarcelydeigninganotice.

ThustheWarrenStreetarrangementwaspermanentlyconcluded.

Carriehadpreparedagooddinnerattheflat,butafterhisrideup,Hurstwoodwasinasolemnandreflectivemood.

「Well.」saidCarrie,inquisitively.

「I』moutofthat,」heanswered,takingoffhiscoat.

Asshelookedathim,shewonderedwhathisfinancialstatewasnow.Theyateandtalkedalittle.

「Willyouhaveenoughtobuyinanywhereelse.」askedCarrie.

「No,」hesaid.「I』llhavetogetsomethingelseandsaveup.」

「Itwouldbeniceifyoucouldgetsomeplace,」saidCarrie,promptedbyanxietyandhope.

「IguessIwill,」hesaidreflectively.

Forsomedaysthereafterheputonhisovercoatregularlyinthemorningandsalliedforth.Ontheseventureshefirstconsoledhimselfwiththethoughtthatwiththesevenhundreddollarshehadhecouldstillmakesomeadvantageousarrangement.Hethoughtaboutgoingtosomebrewery,which,asheknew,frequentlycontrolledsaloonswhichtheyleased,

andgetthemtohelphim.Thenherememberedthathewouldhavetopayoutseveralhundredanywayforfixturesandthathewouldhavenothingleftforhismonthlyexpenses.Itwascostinghimnearlyeightydollarsamonthtolive.

「No,」hesaid,inhissanestmoments,「Ican』tdoit.I』llgetsomethingelseandsaveup.」

Thisgetting-somethingpropositioncomplicateditselfthemomenthebegantothinkofwhatitwashewantedtodo.Manageaplace.Whereshouldhegetsuchaposition.Thepaperscontainednorequestsformanagers.Suchpositions,heknewwellenough,wereeithersecuredbylongyearsofserviceorwereboughtwithahalforthirdinterest.Intoaplaceimportantenoughtoneedsuchamanagerhehadnotmoneyenoughtobuy.

Nevertheless,hestartedout.Hisclotheswereverygoodandhisappearancestillexcellent,butitinvolvedthetroubleofdeluding.People,lookingathim,imaginedinstantlythatamanofhisage,stoutandwelldressed,mustbewelloff.Heappearedacomfortableownerofsomething,amanfromwhomthecommonrunofmortalscouldwellexpectgratuities.Beingnowforty-threeyearsofage,andcomfortablybuilt,walkingwasnoteasy.Hehadnotbeenusedtoexerciseformanyyears.Hislegstired,hisshouldersached,andhisfeetpainedhimatthecloseoftheday,evenwhenhetookstreetcarsinalmosteverydirection.Themeregettingupanddown,iflongcontinued,producedthisresult.

Thefactthatpeopletookhimtobebetteroffthanhewas,hewellunderstood.Itwassopainfullycleartohimthatitretardedhissearch.Notthathewishedtobelesswellappearing,butthathewasashamedtobeliehisappearancebyincongruousappeals.Sohehesitated,wonderingwhattodo.

Hethoughtofthehotels,butinstantlyherememberedthathehadhadnoexperienceasaclerk,

and,whatwasmoreimportant,noacquaintancesorfriendsinthatlinetowhomhecouldgo.Hedidknowsomehotelownersinseveralcities,includingNewYork,buttheyknewofhisdealingswithFitzgeraldandMoy.Hecouldnotapplytothem.Hethoughtofotherlinessuggestedbylargebuildingsorbusinesseswhichheknewof—wholesalegroceries,hardware,insuranceconcerns,andthelike—buthehadhadnoexperience.

Howtogoaboutgettinganythingwasabitterthought.Wouldhehavetogopersonallyandask;waitoutsideanofficedoor,and,then,distinguishedandaffluentlooking,announcethathewaslookingforsomethingtodo.Hestrainedpainfullyatthethought.No,hecouldnotdothat.

Hereallystrolledabout,thinking,andthen,theweatherbeingcold,steppedintoahotel.Heknewhotelswellenoughtoknowthatanydecentindividualwaswelcometoachairinthelobby.ThiswasintheBroadwayCentral,whichwasthenoneofthemostimportanthotelsinthecity.Takingachairherewasapainfulthingtohim.Tothinkheshouldcometothis!Hehadheardloungersabouthotelscalledchairwarmers.Hehadcalledthemthathimselfinhisday.Butherehewas,despitethepossibilityofmeetingsomeonewhoknewhim,shieldinghimselffromcoldandthewearinessofthestreetsinahotellobby.

「Ican』tdothisway,」hesaidtohimself.「There』snouseofmystartingoutmorningswithoutfirstthinkingupsomeplacetogo.I』llthinkofsomeplacesandthenlookthemup.」

Itoccurredtohimthatthepositionsofbartendersweresometimesopen,butheputthisoutofhismind.Bartender—he,theex-manager!

Itgrewawfullydullsittinginthehotellobby,andsoatfourhewenthome.Hetriedtoputonabusinessairashewentin,butitwasafeebleimitation.Therockingchairinthediningroomwascomfortable.He

sankintoitgladly,withseveralpapershehadbought,andbegantoread.

Asshewasgoingthroughtheroomtobeginpreparingdinner,Carriesaid:

「Themanwasherefortherentto-day.」

「Oh,washe.」saidHurstwood.

TheleastwrinklecreptintohisbrowasherememberedthatthiswasFebruary2d,thetimethemanalwayscalled.Hefisheddowninhispocketforhispurse,gettingthefirsttasteofpayingoutwhennothingiscomingin.Helookedatthefat,greenrollasasickmanlooksattheonepossiblesavingcure.Thenhecountedofftwenty-eightdollars.

「Hereyouare,」hesaidtoCarrie,whenshecamethroughagain.

Heburiedhimselfinhispapersandread.Oh,therestofit-therelieffromwalkingandthinking!WhatLetheanwaterswerethesefloodsoftelegraphedintelligence!Heforgothistroubles,inpart.Herewasayoung,handsomewoman,ifyoumightbelievethenewspaperdrawing,suingarich,fat,candy-makinghusbandinBrooklynfordivorce.HerewasanotheritemdetailingthewreckingofavesseliniceandsnowoffPrince』sBayonStatenIsland.Along,brightcolumntoldofthedoingsinthetheatricalworld—theplaysproduced,theactorsappearing,themanagersmakingannouncements.FannieDavenportwasjustopeningattheFifthAvenue.Dalywasproducing「KingLear.」HereadoftheearlydeparturefortheseasonofapartycomposedoftheVanderbiltsandtheirfriendsforFlorida.AninterestingshootingaffraywasoninthemountainsofKentucky.Soheread,read,read,rockinginthewarmroomneartheradiatorandwaitingfordinnertobeserved.