My future is up to me

thewaytheywalk，theclumsyandslowgrowth.willmakelifeindepeandrich.thosewhogrittheirteethanddailytemperthosephysicalandpsychologicalscars.willbemystrengthtofightwith.

ibelieveeveryonehashisownidolanddreaminhisheart.maybealotofpeopleareafraidtotalkaboutthesedreamidolstotheirfamilies.includingmealsosilentlyburiedintheheart.ihavepeopleiadmireandunreachabledreams.

ineversultedwithmyfamily.becausetheyalwaysdon"tuand，butwillscold.what"stheuseofchasingthesestarsatayoungage?whataboutunreachabledreams?yourcurrenttaskistograspthestudyandnottothinkaboutblankthings.infact，iarticularlyunfortableafterlisteningtothesewords.oneisthattheirwordshurtmepsychologically，andtheotheristhatiamordinary，andthinkingaboutthingsthatareoutofreachislikedaydreaming.imyselfamanordinaryperson，iknowmydreamwillnotetrueinthislife.becauseihavenotpreparedforthisdreamfromthebeginning，includingwhatiamdoingandlearning，arenotrelatedtomydream，ihaveakeeptorealizemydream，butwhenihavethisdreamandwhenihavefavoritestars，inevergiveup，andidonotwanttogiveup.becauseithought，someday，wheimeisright，iwilltaketheopportunitytokeepmydream.butit"stoofarformenow，foramanwithahand.

starworshiphasadvantagesanddisadvantages.dependingonwhichaspectyouarechasing，myidoloncesaidaparagraphofwords:infact，thegoalofeveryidolefforts.iwantthopetopeoplewhoarefused.asopposedtojusttakinghimpersonallyastheultimatemeaningoflife.it"sokaynottoknowwhattodoforawhile.lifeissolong，there"splentyoftimetofind.butintheabsenceofdire.it"snotworththelossifitaffectsyournormallife.thesamegoesfordreams.there"snodiffereweenstep1andstep10.lifeislong，andsometimesit"snormaltolosesightandstruggle.butthebestwaytodothatistogoforit.hanginthere，cesareyou"renotgettinganythingiurnettinganythinggoodoutofit.butaslongaswedoourbest，nomatterwhattheresultis，itisworthrememberingbyallofus.tocherishthepursuitoftheroad.

mymomfaiworkatthesupermarketonvalentine"sdaythisyear.andthenhediedonthe22ndofthatmonth.iwassad，butididn"tshowitinfrontofmyfamily.infrontofmyrelatives，iwasverycalmandnotimpulsive，andonlycriedsecretlyatnight.thenithought，toosudden，why?itwasfihedaybeforeyesterday，notthedayafter...andmymother，whoknowsmebetter，ofallmyrelatives.he"lluandandhe"llknowwhyi"mdoingthis.andneverdisprovedmeinfrontofoutsiders，exceptwhenimadeherangry.iusedtothinkthataslongasmymotherwasaround，shewasmystroproteintheeyesofthepro-wilders.butwhenshe"sgone，herstrosupportisgone.iure，somerelativeswillcriticizemeandnoonewillbackmeup.andidon"twanttoexplaintoomuchtothosepeople，becauseithinkmyfuture，myownfuture，shouldbedecidedbyme，notdictatedbymyfamily，nottrolledbythem.mymother，sheisapersonwhohasneverlivedforherself.theywerethriftyandcarefulnottospendapenny.buythecheapestclothes，butnottheexpensiveones.buygroceries，buyspecials，buymilkthat"sabouttoexpire.buttome，sheismenerous.don"tletmebuyexpiredmilktodrink，alsoletmeeatwarmclothes.everydayofherlife，shelivedforothers，forthisfamily.neverformyself，andineveraskedherwhatshewaodowithherlife，whichwasalsoafaultofmine.butsheoncesaidawordtome，thatis，iwillarrangemyownlifeiure.soi"vemadeadecisionhere.becausemycurrentcollegeisafollow-throughstudent，iappliedtodropout.itisnotmyimpulsivedecisiontoapplyfordroppingout，butihavethoughtaboutitforalongtime.itisnotthatidonotstudy，butthatiwanttore-takethisyear"sexamandtrytobeadmittedtoapubliccollegewithcheaptuition，soastoeasetheburdenonmyfamily.myfatherisalittledeaf.readbeforetheuy，totellthetruthayearincludingthecostoflivingtospendmorethan20，000，stillcalculatelittle.althoughmymotherhadsomemoneybeforeherdeath，icouldn"tmovethatmoheparentsonbothsideshavetheirownideas，andi"toffendthemiftheydon"thavethesameideas.therefore，thebestwayistore-applyforauythisyear，iwanttogamble.infact，i"mnotsureifi"tpassthecollegeentranceexamination.myfriendtoldmethatthisyearismoredifficultthanlastyear，andthepressureisespeciallygreat.incaseoffailure，whatshouldidonowthateducationisthefirstimageofthesociety，isparticularlyimportant，butidonret，becauseiwanttoworkhardformyself，afterall，theirownfuturedecisions.ifreallynotgoodtotakeanexaminationofnotfull-timespecialblow.youareonlyyoungonce，youmustbecrazy.maybei"mnotsocrazyafterall.butijustwanttofightformyself.ialsohopethatmysinglemovesuccessfullyland.admittedtotheschooliwanttogoto，evenifthemajorisnotmychoice，butialsofeelatease.

myhighschoolteachertoldmetodothings.doitordonotdoit.butit"sbesttodoit.makeitsuper.successisnotiure，butfromthemomentyoudecidedtodo，tioaccumulate.weliveinsuchahappyage.wemustworkhard，notlikeeveryone，notenjoytheivefamily."tliveuptotheexpectationsofallthepeoplewholikeus.

dreamsarehighandlow，butpeopleotlivewithoutdreams.ifalsohavetheirowndreamandtheirownworshipofthepeople.workhard.everyoneistrying，andyouhavetotry，too.that"showyougetaheadofeveryoneelse，yourdreamidol.butthereverseistrue:myfutureismydestiny.adviceisnomorethanadviceisgiventoyou.thefinaldecisionesfromwhat"sinyourheart.soeon，myfutureisuptome.andiwantyourfuturetobeuptoyou.don"tletotherpeople"sopinionstrolyou.

bornfree，lovewithoutfear.bettertobefreethantoadmireoneselfinplace.allovertheskystarslikeme，wanttobethelight，toremember，notyinandtheirown.